Frienship

Let’s talk friendship, as adults the process of gaining and maintaining friendships changes. I have been working in the academic environment for years now. As budget cuts and NCLB started affecting the staff in a personal way the friendships among professionals changed also. Site transfers, layoffs, and political rivalries occurred. Now I look at the friendships gained in the professional environment as working relationships. The relationship is based on proximity. If someone transfers or gets laid off, they are simply removed from the lives of those they work with. The friendship is amputated….like losing a limb. If someone disappears there simply gone, no contact allowed. If I died they would never know.
The neighborly friendship is also an arrangement due to proximity. Many times the only commonality is the block in which one lives. We have block parties, wine tastings, and celebrations of achievements together. Yet, if someone moves their name is removed from the invite list and life goes on. If I died, they would attend the wake, but nothing would be missed in their world.
So, friendships are harder to maintain, the rules are different, and the process for elimination has been removed. Here today gone tomorrow 
I have a lot of friendships that are rewarding but not equal. For instant I make invites, I call in to check in after a long time of silence, and I make efforts to provide support and encouragement. Yet, if I am the one who is silent for a period I am in trouble for not making the connection. We enjoy one another, but the mutuality of effort is not present. What does that say about those particular friendships? If I died, how long would it take for them to miss me?
Then there are the friendships where the commonality is based off a child who is involved in an activity that their children are involved in. Many times the conversations are held to the football field, the dinner out together only last as long as the season, and in the end I am left wondering if they we were friends or simply convenient companionships during the sporting season. If I died they would never know.
So, in 2010 I decided to work on a priority list, and I included in that list to improve my friendships, make new friendships, and reestablish old friendships. For me it has been an eye opener. I had become lazy. I started to make phone calls, plan events, and prepare good food…….Friendships have grown stronger, been more rewarding, and become a greater part of our lives.